Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
