you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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