Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
