SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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