The maid of honor just puked.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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