im so drunk with asians
where?
always
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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