His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
