He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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