i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
