Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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