Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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