Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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