i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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