she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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