I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
