somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
