Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
