Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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