Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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