I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
