the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
