i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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