i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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