Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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