Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
