i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
is it fun? or sober?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
