woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
