The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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