brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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