i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
