Taylor Swift is so right about you.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
