drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
