I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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