i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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