Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
