I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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