thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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