I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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