Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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