I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
