ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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