Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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