Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
