dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you have to choose: penises or morals?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
