Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
