This house was built for laser tag.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
