Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
