It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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