Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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