so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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